crushes

why is it ok that when you are 12 years old...or even 15 years old....it's ok to have posters on your bedroom wall of the people you couldn't bare to spend the rest of your life without? when i was somewhere between the ages of 12 to 15 my bedroom wall was covered in posters of Michael Jackson.

(yes this is an actual photo of my bedroom. i have concealed my friend's face to save her embarrassment)
my friends had posters of Duran Duran...yes i was the odd one. one of my friends had, honestly, her whole bedroom, floor to ceiling and cross the ceiling, covered in posters of Duran Duran and in particular Nick Rhodes. you could not see a single skerrick of paint on the walls or ceiling for the posters.
but eventually we grow out of it, right? sooner or later "things" change and the posters come down off the walls. why? is it that our affections shift from celebrity crushes to our first boyfriend?...and that would be awkward having posters of Nick Rhodes, or worse, Michael Jackson, looking at you while you are making out with John Smith, the blue eyed, blonde haired captain of the basketball team, in your bedroom....ok I made all that up. I never made out with the captain of the basketball team when i was a teen....sigh.
so this is where it gets slightly embarrassing. perhaps slightly is an understatement! i didn't stop having celebrity crushes as aged 15. in fact i still have them today and if i could put posters on my wall, i would. i even have this little book...a diary of sorts where when i was OLDER than 15...i think it was more about the time i was coming out to myself so i would have been in my late 20s...i wrote down a list of my crushes. the list was completely celebrity focused and of course was a list of ALL women. i don't have time now to find the book and read out the names but i'm pretty sure the list included people such as Jennifer Keyte.
so why am i writing about this now when i really should be writing my Business Law assignment? well i have a confession....and it's borne from spending way too much time on my own....i have a new celebrity crush...yeah, so what? well this one not only somewhat surprised me, but the surprise really came from my intense reaction to it....hold that thought.
so given i have been a virtual bachelor for the past year....a deliberate overstatement....i have once again superficially immersed myself in the tv show The L Word. i say "superficially" because, having watched all 6 seasons numerous times, i am now only watching the story-lines i actually enjoy i.e. the story-lines involving Bette and Tina. so having reviewed the scenes again...and i don't know whether it's my own maturity yudda yudda yudda...but i'm attracted for the first time to TINA. previously it was BETTE BETTE BETTE...BETTE ALL THE WAY! not withstanding this i still do L.O.V.E BETTE! to the point where i love to hear Bette say the name Tina or when she calls her "T"...which gets a little strange given i have a friend at work named Tina but thankfully she DOES NOT make it to my "crush" list!
anyway, tonight i found myself googling Laurel Holloman, the actress who plays Tina...i don't want to know details...i just wanted to look at pictures!..such as these....

and when i found these pictures...unsuspend the "intense reaction" comment....i found myself having a physical reaction...my eyes welled with tears...oh my god she is gorgeous! yes, i am slightly depressed at the moment....hence the overly emotional reaction.
but another thing that surprised me when i was re-watching B&T scenes...a scene i had forgotten about was the love scene between B&T when T is pregnant. she's like 8 months pregnant! i was surprised how "hot" this scene was. i had never looked at pregnant women in that light before. so here i lay bare my embarrassing celebrity crush...and all i can ask is that when you judge me, be kind.
on another note....i also L.O.V.E. Kate Winslet....in a strange way....that's for another blog post.