friendships and predictions

So trawling through my old blog posts last night I came across one from September 2005 that started with this statement:

i have three friends in my life that i have no doubt will be in my life for the rest of my life. the entirety. forever. till death do us part. i only have one other 100% convincing thought about my life and that is that i will die in the city in which i was born. it's an overwhelming thought. a prophecy almost. a thought filled with comfort. but what a horrible thought. to have to live some part of my life without any one of them. i hope i die first.

Apparently a lot can change in eight years! Even something that I had NO DOUBT wouldn’t, actually did! Two of those everlasting friends are actually not really friends any more. Not in my sense of the word “friend”. One left my life to commit to her religion (I think). Part of me understands that. If nothing else I appreciate people who stand up for and live by their convictions. If she truly believes that being gay is against the teachings of the bible then who am I to judge her for her convictions. I certainly don’t want her (or anyone) to judge me for my convictions. Obviously it is hurtful and disappointing. I have hope that one day she will return to my life. About this friend I went on to further write:

it hasn't always been easy. our friendship. the thing that has caused us the most grief, MEN! now that i'm no longer interested in men, there is no more grief between us. there is nothing (now), in my life, that i would not tell her. our friendship hasn't been perfect. i haven't been a perfect friend. but if there is anything that i have learned from her it's the value of friendship. and the power of forgiveness. there is nothing in this world that i would not do for her and her little boy. that is a fact.

Perhaps she was only supposed to be in my life for 35 years so that I could learn those valuable lessons. The other ‘friend’ just left and I don’t know why. She hasn’t physically left although she does live a distance away but she’s just not there/here with me. This is how I described our friendship back in 2005:

we have known each other since 1993. from the first day we met we both felt like we had met our soul mate. kindred spirits. it was mutual. strange for two heterosexual women (well so we thought!). we have a lot in common. chosen profession (for awhile). music. movies. only-child syndrome. lesbianism. i don't think there is one thing that binds us. it's a package deal. hard to pin-point THE one thing that has kept our friendship constant. unexplainable really. she has an incredible sense of humour. she is one person who I can really laugh with and i think i tickle her funny bone also. once again, words are inadequate (in my vocab) to describe this beautiful and unique friendship that i have.

The third friend that I mentioned in the opening paragraph, well she is still around…and by around I mean on the other side of the world. We keep up-to-date with each other’s lives via FB. That seems to work for us. Friendships and predictions. Who would have thought I’d get it so wrong?!